Divergent Speed Dating Read-alikes

Check out these fantabulous Divergent book lists! I've wanted to host a book speed dating program for ages now and upon looking at these lists I thought it might be fun to set one up at a Divergent themed program.  I'm not sure how well this idea would work with my current batch of teens, but I think it would be neat to have teens check off which books they want to read most and sort them into factions based on their reading preferences.  If the factions aren't evenly distributed, perhaps place a teen in their second-highest ranked faction to ensure there aren't too many kids in one group over another. 

I'll keep you posted on this program in development!

Don't Blink!

I am not a Dalek.  I am a human.

Soufflé Girl here!  Not really.  Just little ol' me in a snazzy cosplay get-up.  But I do have a whisk in my belt and that has to count for something.  At least once a month we host after hours lock-ins at my library for the teens.  Sometimes, like our Doctor Who program, I spend hours scouring the internet looking for great program ideas only to let the kids get hopped up on sugar and run around.  It happens. How can you resist when one of your teens' mothers bakes cupcakes with adorable Doctor Who fondant pieces on top?  Especially when you've already made marshmallow Adipose creatures and Ood cupcakes? The phone with the close-up shot of the Adipose is presently missing, but you best believe I will ETA this johnson once I am reunited with it. 

Now, not every library program is going to have such fancy cupcakes.  Guess what?  The teens don't care.  I promise.  I only have fancy snacks from time to time because unlike the majority of the librarian population, I loathe baking.  Those Ood cupcakes?  Yeahhhh... I bought a 24 pack of unfrosted cupcakes and let my teen volunteers decorate them.  They love cupcake decorating and helping to bring lock-ins to the next level because they get to take ownership when the snacks are complimented.  It's pretty much a win win win.  You can also make regular snacks fit your theme with a little imagination.  For this lock-in I had Candied Companions (Sour Patch Kids) and Still-Not-a-Ginger Snacks (pretty much orange foods like Cheez-Its and Nacho Doritos, but you can also use gingersnaps). 

While planning this event I encountered several Doctor Who parties featuring a Weeping Angels Red Light/Green Light game, so of course now that I'm writing up the program I can't find a single source.  I had to edit the game, so I don't feel as guilty about not linking, but still... just pointing out that this isn't original.  Those games called for the traditional rules of Red Light/Green Light where the person that is "it" (or in this case "The Doctor") merely turned around and everyone had to freeze.  We found after a few rounds that it was not challenging enough for the teenagers so we took it up a notch. Since the Weeping Angels move freely in the darkness, my colleague flicked the lights off when the teens were expected to move and once the lights were back on they had to freeze immediately.  It was a lot more fun and provided a much more "realistic" Doctor Who experience than traditional Red Light/Green Light. 

 

Can we just stop for a moment and think about how much we all love photobooths and photo backdrops?  They're the best.  You can instantly turn transitory moments and lulls in program momentum into a fun time simply because you have a photobooth! This one was very low budget and took about 20 minutes to whip together.  I know that some people really take their TARDIS building very seriously, and I don't want to knock that, but ain't nobody got time for that.  The plastic tablecloths you get from most any dollar store out there is decently close to TARDIS blue.  Painter's tape is very close, but light enough to provide a bit of contrast to make panels for the door. My anal retentive handwriting skills lost out in favor of letting a teen volunteer write "Public Call Police Box" on black construction paper with white chalk to get the background done quickly and still looks phenomenal.  You can also print out one of these bad boys, slap it up there with some white squares and you're set.  Easy peasy TARDIS squeezy.  

For more Doctor Who party ideas, check out my Whovian board on Pinterest!

Hungry Hungry Hunger Games

 

If you're able to score multiple Hungry Hungry Hippo marble consumption arenas, you can host a rather noisy tournament and have multiple groups of teens compete at once.  If not, teens can watch the action unfold while they wait their turn.  You might want to consider advertising a Capital Couture Cosplay Contest to spice it up.  This prevents the teens from getting too bored as they will be in character.  Besides, once you get to round two everyone will be oddly fascinated by the eating contest... let's be real.. 

                                                      #swag - (via)

Divergent Program Ideas

The Divergent series by Veronica Roth might be put to bed, but I haven't seen that book on the shelf since I purchased it in 2011. An early favorite, this series packs enough adventure for thrill seekers, a dystopian society to die for, and there are more than enough sparks on the romance front to keep all entertained.  That said, I've had multiple teens begging me for a Divergent program.  For whatever reason it hasn't materialized, but I am definitely going to hit that up this summer and watch the sparks fly. 

As I've previously stated, my program ensemble is very important to me.  I spend a lot of time and effort with my wardrobe overall, so it is no surprise to anyone that knows me.  If you find yourself in a similar boat or want to really want to get in character, might I recommend checking out the Official Divergent Tumblr for costuming suggestions?  If I lived in the Divergent dystopia I know that I wouldn't hesitate to select Dauntless on Choosing Day, but feel the requisite wardrobe of black and leather might be a bit much for a teen librarian running a program, so I proffer an adorable Abnegation outfit.  Grey is my favorite color to wear and as librarians are supposed to selflessly help everyone that comes through their library's doors it seems most fitting.  Please click on the link and browse the inspiration for your chosen faction to spice it up!

On to the games!  While my high schoolers prefer acting games and being left to their own devices to relax, my middle schoolers are hyper and can't sit still to save their lives.  If I am not constantly rushing from one high intensity game to another, trouble flares up.  Not all of these games will work for your teens, which is why I provided three per faction.  I got a lot of ideas from looking over this fabulous link by the Divergent Lexicon. Check that link out for food ideas as well!

Dauntless Games

These games should be executed with caution as Dauntless activities are not for the weak at heart! We played Trainwreck at a Hunger Games lock-in a few years back and there were a few skinned knees and head on collisions, so please be careful! I still recommend it because it was hilarious to watch and the teens had a great time.

• Manhunt
• Capture the Flag 
• Capture the Pearl sounds a whole lot more exciting, but might not be suitable for every library.
• Trainwreck

Erudite Games

These will go over particularly well with my uber nerdy teens.  I really like the Divergent trivia I found on Goodreads and can't wait to dig into it.

• Divergent Trivia
• Trivial Pursuit
• Jeopardy

Candor Games

Spotting lies and seeking the truth are the name of the game for Candor.

• 2 Truths & a Lie
• Truth or Dare
• Truth be Told

Abnegation Games

Abnegation facilitates selflessness and teamwork, so try these team building games!

• Hands Down
• Blanket Flip
• Portal

Amity Games

Amity games are all about teamwork and not about who wins.  I highly recommend the link I provided for Charades, as it is actually a variation known as Charade Relay.

• Charades
• Catchphrase
• Amoeba 

Godzilla Movie Marathon... Now With Haiku!

Well.  I did it, guys.  I faced the inevitable reality that Summer Reading is coming close and the thought that I should probably start planning events yesterday.  I looked at a chapter from the CSLP manual yesterday, that has to count for something, right?  Right.

I'm in charge of bringing the Chapter Six: Science Fiction & Fun into life for the annual Summer Reading Program workshop hosted by the Ramapo Central Catskills Library System on Monday, so the next few posts are going to either be directly related or additional ideas building on the science fiction theme.  How on earth did the manual contributors miss a chance for a Godzilla movie marathon?!  First of all, the new Godzilla movie is scheduled to debut in May 2014, just before Summer Reading kicks off.  Second of all, have they seen Godzilla Haiku?  Have you?  No?  Check these guys out:

If you have a creative writing group I would like to first inform you that I'm super jealous because I've tried to start one at my library more frequently than Gretchen Wieners tried to make "fetch" happen and it still won't stick. BUT if you have alchemical processes working in your favor and have a successful writing group (or would like to start one) might I recommend making your own Godzilla haikus?   You can find stills of the old Godzilla movies and have the teens write their own.  There are many ways you could execute this and as it has been a while since I've had the opportunity to profess my love for bulleted lists, I will do so now to demonstrate the possibilities: 

• Passive Program: Create a bulletin board of 3-5 Godzilla still frames asking for Godzilla haikus.  Provide smaller examples from the tumblr so teens have an idea what you are looking for. Create a haiku printable (doesn't have to be too fancy) and provide a submission box so no one can read the poems already entered.  Label each Godzilla screenshot with a number or letter so that teens can easily communicate which picture corresponds with their poem, fully knowing at least one teen will mess up and yet another will ask you relentless questions no matter how easy you attempt to make it.  Once you have enough submissions, slap those haikus over the appropriate image with meme font, also known as Impact in white with a black outline.  If you do not have Photoshop, might I recommend using Ribbet?  
• During the Movie Marathon: This one is less exciting, but you are more likely to get a bunch of results. You can print out the Godzilla screenshots with lines underneath them so the teens can write them in as they watch the movies.  While you are almost guaranteed more haikus this route, you will miss out on the opportunity to use the completed product as a marketing tool for the movie marathon. 
• Teens as Content Creators: The ideal situation involves using Web 2.0 apps, like Ribbet, to allow the teens to create the content themselves.  You can either offer them some sort of SRP club credit for creating it online and emailing it to you or you can have a program using library computers that allows them to do it in a group all together.  The latter suggestion would not work in my library, so I am aware that it might not work for you.  I'm talking in ideals here people! 
• Contest: Using any of the above ideas or combination thereof, you can make a contest for the best Godzilla haiku.  Teens are competitive. Having a prize at the end of the haiku tunnel might help some reluctant poets enter the mix. 

Resurrection Day is a Dangerous Day

Oh hello.  It appears I last updated my library blog in 2010, shortly after getting my first full-time job.  I'd like to tell you I've been away from the game because I'm slaying illiteracy like a boss and focused on becoming a programming extraordinaire who can't be bothered to share my program ideas anymore, but I don't think it is true.  My colleagues would tell you it is true as I've worked very hard at my programs over the years and share a great deal with the library consortium's teen librarians group, but if I'm being honest with you reader, there's been a disconnect.  It's something I've felt for years and had a very hard time putting into words.  It is not that I stopped caring about my job or became a terrible slacker.  Over the past four years I've gotten to know some of the best teenagers in the world and I do whatever I can for them.  There's just been a disconnect between who I am and what I do for a living, which is a shame because they used to be a unified front of kick-ass librarian.

After talking with a new librarian friend I put my finger on the various components that make up the disconnect which I will get to as I start blogging again, but the number one theme has been that once I settled into my job I reached my goal.  Library school, internships, paraprofessional work and student run organizations leadership roles were all cogs to get me here and once here, I had nothing greater than what I already had to strive for.  There is a bit of a glass ceiling with teen librarianship and as someone that finds intrinsic motivation from training for the next thing I find it unsettling.  Or boring.  Ok... mostly boring. I filled my free time falling further and further down the roller derby rabbit hole and haven't looked back to the idealistic days of grad school when my entire being was defined by the word librarian.  Until now.

First order of business was to resurrect this blog from the dead like a filthy zombie, hence all the pictures from my Zombie Prom program.  Pictured above are a zombie teen* and myself in a prom dress I ripped up and splattered with fake blood hand prints, because dedication to the job for me usually involves costumes, but I digress.  When I started this blog in grad school, I did so for multiple reasons.  The first and foremost was that I was so damn excitable about becoming a librarian I just couldn't keep it in.  I wanted to chronicle this excitement and potentially get others on board so we could just yell out to the heavens, "HECK YEAH LIBRARIES!!!" like a bunch of heathen nerds.  Now I'm like, "libraries. woo." and that is problematic for me because I want to be a nerdy heathen again.  I additionally began this blog because the amount of blogs I saw in 2007-2010 specific to library programming were lacking and I wanted to take the things I found on indie craft blogs and share it with librarians to give them ideas.  I guess I wanted to vicariously run library programs through these potentially inspired librarians...maybe...?  I'm not sure.  Twenty-two was ages ago and who really knows what I was thinking then.

At some point I gave up the thought of library blogging and decided to whip up my own indie craft blog instead, only to find that blog became some sort of hybrid mindful meditation blog mixed with fashion blogging.  ::shrug::  Much as I would like to place my focus there, I found myself wanting to contribute to the librarian community more and more.  I attempted to find room for it on that blog, but as someone with a Master's in organizing information it really didn't make any logical sense.  So.  I'm back bitches.

*Zombie teen and zombie teen's mom are totes cool with my posting this image, in case anyone wants to get uppity about sharing the image and likeness of the minors you work with.  kthnxby

Librarians make me giggle.

While I found this rather enjoyable, I'm glad I graduated from Rutgers without impersonating Lady Gaga whilst lauding the benefits of proper searching.

Link via Boing Boing (found on facebook via Jess T).

Twittle Dee

A while back Gina from WebYA inquired about a Twitter flyer after viewing the Facebook flyer I made for Teen Tech Week 2010. It took me some time, but I believe I finally got it. Behold:

Background: SG_Refresh paper

T icon: Jankoatwarpspeed.com

Bird: unknown origin :(

Header font: Action of the Time A L

Secondary font: Helvetica

Since beginning my new job I've dropped off the blogospheric planet much to my dismay. Sadly I don't think that is going to change anytime soon, as I tend to take a while to adjust to new situations. I wanted to kick off my hiatus on a high note (e.g., the Twitter flyer) and demonstrate a taste of what you will find when I return. I plan on creating a lot of new graphics and tutorials to join the funky craft sites I discover. Take care until then!

Libraries = Opportunities

Hey guys! Long time no post. I wish I could tell you that I was off preparing for the rally tomorrow in Trenton to support New Jersey libraries, but alas I haven't been. I'm only doing lame things like getting acclimated at my new job and the like. While I am not awesome enough to be one of the proactive librarians fighting for funding, I did wake up really early one morning to get onto the Today show with fellow bad-ass librarian, Jessica, for 2.2 seconds to advocate for libraries (New Jersey in particular):

For more information on the May 6th rally to protest the grotesque 74% budget cuts proposed by NJ Governor Christie get educated about the situation and visit the facebook page! Good luck tomorrow everyone!

STAC it up: Teen Advisory Councils

I have touched on my experiences with my former library's TAG group on this blog before but I never realized how much work my predecessor had to put in to create the group in the first place. Upon starting at Suffern, I've found this massive library that has all kinds of programs and groups does not have an advisory council of any sort in place. Well OBVIOUSLY I need to correct that, and thus the Suffern Teen Advisory Council was born (STAC for short).

Recently WebYA posted a fabulous list for someone looking to start a teen advisory group (and by recent, I mean it was March 2010 so recent enough). I've done a lot of research on these groups in the past year (Tuccillo's book Library Teen Advisory Groups, YALSA's TAG resources* and then there's always the TAGAD-L listserv) and I have to say I really like this list a lot! It's succinct and yet every detail is important for someone starting a TAG. It even has ideas that I didn't come across in any of those numerous resources. Check it out if you are starting a TAG or even if you've just celebrated the 4th anniversary of your library's group.

*Which could use work, to be honest with you. Some links are dead and many of the "Still in development" sections were in development when I looked at them last summer

Booktalks

What book do you find yourself booktalking over and over again? Why that particular book? For me it's The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins. I just booktalked it for the third time this week and I only got in to work 15 minutes ago.

I'm looking to build up the short list of my go-to books as they're all getting checked out slowly but surely. What will I do when they're all off the shelf? Rely on you, that's what! Leave a message in the comments about which books you think should be included because only one book on the list below is checked in.

The List (thus far, as I remember it):

• The Hunger Games -- Suzanne Collins (duh)
• Marcello in the Real World -- Francisco X. Stork
• Alice, I Think -- Susan Juby
• The Mortal Instruments series -- Cassandra Clare
• All Alone in the Universe -- Lynne Rae Perkins
• Ordinary Ghosts -- Eireann Corrigan
• Hold Still -- Nina LaCour

The list also includes books that sell themselves due to popularity amongst teens or their connection to a movie (such as Inkheart).

Teen Tech Week: Facebook fanpage flyer

Teen Tech Week just so happened to land on my first full week at my new job. I'm torn between wanting to do something for TTW and trying to figure out how to place holds on books with a new system. Something that I've been able to do with spare moments at the refdesk with no problem was to create a facebook fanpage for my new library.

So in honor of Teen Tech Week I have a large format jpeg of the promotional flyer I made up for the fanpage (sans library name, of course!):

Thaw out!

We're going to do something a bit different today. A little while ago I decided to enter the Blogsplash for a novel entitled Thaw by Fiona Robyn. Essentially, myself and many other bloggers get to publish the first page of the novel on the first of March as a neat form of 2.0 viral marketing. I may not be an Amazong Associate, but I sure like me some 2.0 swag and with all the e-book controversy going on I can't help but appreciate an author putting it out there for free. As today is the first of March, it's ready and raring to go. Below is the email sent to me by the author in it's entirety. Enjoy! -Kristi(e)-

Meet Ruth. She doesn't know if she wants to carry on living or not, and she gives herself three months to decide. Her diary is my novel, Thaw, and you can read it for FREE, beginning today.

Why am I giving a novel away for free? Because I am a writer, and I want to share my characters and their stories with as many people as possible. And maybe, if you enjoy it, you might want to read more of my books.

Become a follower of the blog page now. Follow on Twitter. Join the Facebook page. Forward this email to your novel-reading friends. Thank you.

Over to Ruth.

*

These hands are ninety-three years old. They belong to Charlotte Marie Bradley Miller. She was so frail that her grand-daughter had to carry her onto the set to take this photo. It's a close-up. Her emaciated arms emerge from the top corners of the photo and the background is black, maybe velvet, as if we're being protected from seeing the strings. One wrist rests on the other, and her fingers hang loose, close together, a pair of folded wings. And you can see her insides.

The bones of her knuckles bulge out of the skin, which sags like plastic that has melted in the sun and is dripping off her, wrinkling and folding. Her veins look as though they're stuck to the outside of her hands. They're a colour that's difficult to describe: blue, but also silver, green; her blood runs through them, close to the surface. The book says she died shortly after they took this picture. Did she even get to see it? Maybe it was the last beautiful thing she left in the world.

I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to carry on living. I'm giving myself three months of this journal to decide. You might think that sounds melodramatic, but I don't think I'm alone in wondering whether it's all worth it. I've seen the look in people's eyes. Stiff suits travelling to work, morning after morning, on the cramped and humid tube. Tarted-up girls and gangs of boys reeking of aftershave, reeling on the pavements on a Friday night, trying to mop up the dreariness of their week with one desperate, fake-happy night. I've heard the weary grief in my dad's voice.

So where do I start with all this? What do you want to know about me? I'm Ruth White, thirty-two years old, going on a hundred. I live alone with no boyfriend and no cat in a tiny flat in central London. In fact, I had a non-relationship with a man at work, Dan, for seven years. I'm sitting in my bedroom-cum-living room right now, looking up every so often at the thin rain slanting across a flat grey sky. I work in a city hospital lab as a microbiologist. My dad is an accountant and lives with his sensible second wife Julie, in a sensible second home. Mother finished dying when I was fourteen, three years after her first diagnosis. What else? What else is there?

Charlotte Marie Bradley Miller. I looked at her hands for twelve minutes. It was odd describing what I was seeing in words. Usually the picture just sits inside my head and I swish it around like tasting wine. I have huge books all over my flat - books you have to take in both hands to lift. I've had the photo habit for years. Mother bought me my first book, black and white landscapes by Ansel Adams. When she got really ill, I used to take it to bed with me and look at it for hours, concentrating on the huge trees, the still water, the never-ending skies. I suppose it helped me think about something other than what was happening. I learned to focus on one photo at a time rather than flicking from scene to scene in search of something to hold me. If I concentrate, then everything stands still. Although I use them to escape the world, I also think they bring me closer to it. I've still got that book. When I take it out, I handle the pages as though they might flake into dust.

Mother used to write a journal. When I was small, I sat by her bed in the early mornings on a hard chair and looked at her face as her pen spat out sentences in short bursts. I imagined what she might have been writing about - princesses dressed in star-patterned silk, talking horses, adventures with pirates. More likely she was writing about what she was going to cook for dinner and how irritating Dad's snoring was.

I've always wanted to write my own journal, and this is my chance. Maybe my last chance. The idea is that every night for three months, I'll take one of these heavy sheets of pure white paper, rough under my fingertips, and fill it up on both sides. If my suicide note is nearly a hundred pages long, then no-one can accuse me of not thinking it through. No-one can say, 'It makes no sense; she was a polite, cheerful girl, had everything to live for,' before adding that I did keep myself to myself. It'll all be here. I'm using a silver fountain pen with purple ink. A bit flamboyant for me, I know. I need these idiosyncratic rituals; they hold things in place. Like the way I make tea, squeezing the tea-bag three times, the exact amount of milk, seven stirs. My writing is small and neat; I'm striping the paper. I'm near the bottom of the page now. Only ninety-one more days to go before I'm allowed to make my decision. That's it for today. It's begun.

Continue reading here. Follow on Twitter. Join the Facebook page.

----------------------
Warmest wishes,
Fiona Robyn
--------------
www.fionarobyn.com
www.plantingwords.com

Make Waves: Sea Glass Candy Recipe

Those of you looking for aquatic themed activities for your library this summer might want to check out Not So Humble Pie's Sea Glass Candy recipe. As far as equipment goes you only need a stove-top (or hot plate), a sauce pan, candy thermometer metal pan and a mallet. If you can muster those items up--not to mention the limited ingredients--you should definitely consider this for your summer reading program because it looks like it is going to be a smash. ... Sorry--I had to. (Thanks Craftzine!)

A personal announcement

I suppose I didn't have to be so quiet about the reason I've been away, but I'm quite superstitious. I didn't want to let everyone know that I got a new job until after the moment I held the official letter of hire in my hand just in case something happened (what would happen idk, but that's my superstitious nature for you). My employment packet finally came today so I am happy to say that I am now going on to be a teen librarian in the state of New York.

It's my first full-time job ever and I'm quite excited. I'm really nervous, too. I'm leaving a part-time position that I have grown to love and don't quite know what is going to happen with that particular library once I leave. In between putting together resources for my successor and preparing materials for my first project at my new library I have been far too exhausted when I finally had free time to blog. I'm sorry. But the moment I've been waiting for is almost here!! I start March 1st. :D

Hold the flipping phone!!!!!!!!!!!!

First, let me stop bouncing up and down.

::long pause::

::crickets::

Okay. Glad that's settled. I just found out thanks to my wonderful inbox that vacation deals are now announced for The Wonderful World of Harry Potter with travel dates starting May 28th! While this is not the official start date (it's still the dreaded "Spring 2010"), the park has to be opening Memorial Day Weekend, right?! RIGHT!?!?!

I went on to the Leaky Cauldron for more info, but they know just as much as I do at this point. WHEN WILL MORE INFORMATION COME?!? (In case you couldn't tell, I am quite fond of the notion of going to The Wonderful World of Harry Potter during opening week. In fact, it has rather been my biggest fantasy since they mentioned they were making a theme park).

Aaaand back to our regularly scheduled programming of me being a horrid blogger due to things I can't officially talk about yet (Dear mailman, please get on that. I want to discuss why I'm not discussing stuff).

DIY for you

Disney has what appears to be a very easy to refurbish cardigan up on Ruffles and Stuff. Does it not just scream awesome librarian cardigan or what?

Ello!

I've been m.i.a lately, but I'm going to be mysterious and evasive for a few more days (perhaps weeks) before I announce the reason why. Why? Because I'm evil like that, yo. Mwahahahhahahaa

Anyway, I feel bad completely leaving you hanging so check this out. I saw it on Craftzine a while back, but it's still amazing. If you haven't seen it yet get on that. :D

This just in!

Voldemort scrapbooks.

I'll let that sink in for a bit. ::pause:: Okay, okay he doesn't really because he's "fictional" and as many people have tried to address with me, fictional "beings" can't do anything outside of their books/tv/whatever. BUT... imagine if he did. Wouldn't it look a little something like... this:

Eh? Eh?

Okay. I have to clue you in. I recently went out to dinner with one of my bffs Sara and we spent at least twenty minutes debating what sort of secret, mundane activity the Dark Lord does in his spare time after we reminiced about the depiction of Edward Cullen in Growing Up Cullens* and settled on the moste anciente and noble art of scrapbooking.

Do you think Voldemort scrapbooks (or in this case, Scrapblogs)? No? What do you think he does? How about another kid/ya lit character? What are the secret lives of fictional beings?

*If you've never read Growing Up Cullens, get on that. You think you know Twilight, but you have no idea. That is the diary of their awesome lives.

Poetry Friday

Since I'm nursing a "I was too proactive with my blog this weekend" hangover resulting in epic blog laziness, I felt it appropriate to use a villanelle I wrote about the subject (since I was also too lazy to write a new poem).

[ ]

Walking is tough, but moving is profane.

Why stir when there’s so much sitting to do?

Hell, I’m too lazy to make a second refrain.

I don’t defend myself much, it’s not worth the pain

Of opening my jaw only to argue:

Talking is tough, but moving is profane.

I plop down more than pigeons spew white rain

For laying down feels better than sex used to.

Hell, I’m too lazy to make a second refrain.

I had a crush once, he had some sexy brains;

But he never called and I was never one to woo:

Stalking is tough, but moving is profane.

I once watched a three hour infomercial for Rogaine

Since a two-cushion-remote-stretch was too much ado.

Hell, I’m too lazy to make a second refrain.

I look upon marathons with utmost disdain,

For why run when there’s so much sitting to do?

Walking is tough, but moving is profane.

Hell, I’m too lazy to make a second refrain.