Too much adorable

The children's librarian at WGL has all these adorable asynchronous craft programs set up in the main area of the library. This week's craft is Make a Book! She set up a basket of markers and blank books she folded from 8.5x11 paper. Just now, a table of children were all gathered 'round coloring their hearts out. The eldest collected everyone's books at the end and with his very studios face mused the following:

Well now we have to get the published. ... How about Scholastic?

I swear to you, I think I saw him delicately run his thumb and index along his chin. It took all the effort I had to not react how I usually do when things are painfully adorable (which is laughing and saying "awww" that sounds like a bleating goat when combined).

July = Harry Potter Month!

In honor of July being Harry Potter Month (you know, because making a post title a declarative sentence means I can proclaim this) I have some Zombie Haiku for you from Ryan Mecum's work of the same name. Now, I can hear those gears turning. Quiet them with some brain oil* and think on this:

• To quote the great white-bearded guy, Inferi "are corpses. Dead bodies that have been bewitched to do a dark lord's bidding." (Dumbledore::Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)
  

Hmmm... that sure sounds like this TOTALLY FACTUAL bit of information I pulled off reference website numero uno, Wikipedia:

• Stories of zombies originated in the Afro-Caribbean spiritual belief system of Vodou, which told of the people being controlled as laborers by a powerful sorcerer.

That said, zombies are totally down for some Half-Blood Prince action, no? I think so. Side note, I am down for seeing some zombies in a Harry Potter film. Hopefully the cave scene allows me to wet myself in fright because it has so much potential! Enough fodder, let the zombie rumpus start!

Little old ladies
speed away in their wheelchairs,
frightened meals on wheels.

They are so lucky
that I cannot remember
how to use doorknobs.

Always be careful
when you're biting teeth with teeth.
Dead teeth tend to lose.

Brains, BRAINS, BRains,brains, BRAINS.
BRaiNS, brains, Brains, BRAINS, BRains, brains, BRAINS.
Brains, BRains, brains, BRAINS, brains.

*As we are discussing zombies, it's best to use metaphorical oil and not something like Extra Virgin Olive Oil. They might be tempted to eat brains, beginning with yours.

Q strikes again

My favorite seventh grader to quote has given me permission to use his first initial to distinguish him from the other kids that say funny things that end up on this johnson.

“The bathroom smells like straight up booty crack. Someone blew the bathroom to smithereens.” ::Q, the hilarious 7th grader::

Review: For-Eeeev-Er

Somehow, despite not really liking The Sandlot while growing up I love the heck out of the scene where Chauncey* explains how long the dog will stay chained up, specifically the portion below:


So speaking of forever, how about that Judy Blume book? I think the only thing that I really have to say about it is exactly what my friend Danielle said when she saw me reading it, "That book is filthy." Since this is the internet, the italics could be misconstrued to mean that she was repulsed by this, but that is clearly why this book was worth reading. Duh. Sometimes I felt dirty reading it because I was in public. I know there was no little bunny and some jugs hanging out on the cover, but there might as well have been because I felt like I was reading straight up erotica. This is the first challenged book I read that I actually shrugged my shoulders in understanding after reading it.

The long and short of it (hehe he... apparently my mind will be in the gutter for the remainder of this review... you've been warned) is Katherine meets Michael at a New Year's Eve party and even though she tries to play it off like she isn't interested to us, the reader, she totes wants on him. Turns out that he too wants her, despite bringing some other chick to the party. Drama, drama, drama of the high school variety, and then they're going steady. They go on a date and then hang out in her house with more privacy than my parents would have allowed and start hooking up on a regular basis. The rest of the book progresses with their explicitly fooling around and professing they will love one another forever. Katherine's parents are concerned by the serious nature of their daughter's relationship and commands her to be a tennis counselor in another state. Boo hoo. End of the world to begin in five... four... three... two... one... or so it feels to someone with their first love.

SPOILER!

They break up and I laughed. Haha. Oh high school love, how naive and adorable you are. I remember you like a nagging pimple on my upper lip.

First Line:

"Sybil Davis has a genius I.Q. and has been laid by at least six different guys."

*when an actor's real name is this awesome, all names of the characters portrayed are irrelevant. For the record.

Review: The Chocolate War

This is one of the first times I've seen third person omniscient narrator work to a great effect. Sure, it creeps up a lot in fantasy and is well done enough, but this book rocked it. In the beginning the chapters alternate between the two main characters, the first dedicated to Jerry, our protagonist, second going to Archie and then swapping between the two for a while. Then when the chocolate sale begins and Jerry refuses to accept his chocolates, the reader is deprived of Jerry's P.O.V; building suspense for what motivates him to decline to carry on his preparatory school's long-standing tradition.

The narration then shifts to the population of the all boys school at large, capturing the atmosphere created by Jerry's chocolate refusal, which does not bode well for the fund raising efforts. A secret society known as the Vigils attempts to persuade Jerry to sell his chocolates, to no avail. An all out war breaks loose as the sway of the Vigils is strong, leading to every other student besides Jerry to step up their chocolate game. Does Jerry succeed or is he eventually worn down and made to sell his chocolate bars? Will the Vigils continue to dominate the school?

First line of book:

"They murdered him."

Word on the street has it I'm old

According to a 6th grade patron I am old. Why? Well...

"Once you hit 20 you're old. I mean, you're halfway to 40."

He went on to inform me that one should retire at 25 because then you're really old. Here I was thinking that I was just about to enter the grown-up work force, just to find out that I'm retiring in two years. Damn. I don't think I can pay off undergrad and grad school in that time...

Review: The Outsiders

I have to admit that I opened this book with some trepidation. No, not because of the violence, but because I am a little kid. It is an old book with yellowed pages and an ugly cover. I'm a bad librarian, what can I say? Despite this initial hesitation I was reluctant to put the book down after I got halfway through the first chapter. The issues the main character and his friends face are so drastically different from the problems that I ever have and most likely will ever encounter, yet Hinton's writing makes it come alive for me. I felt as if I was a greaser. I hated the Socs, but as Ponyboy and I came to find out together, they are human all the same.

It opens as a story about economic classes determining the way things are run in Ponyboy's city. The Socs have all the money and the best of everything and they let the Greasers know exactly what they think of them by jumping them. Often. The Greasers may not have the best money or vernacular, but they have heart and are expressive. For the most part the fights that occurr as a result of this classist society are miniscule and a part of everyday life. That is, until Ponyboy and his friends walk home two Soc girls that just so happen to be the girlfriends of some of the toughest Socs in town. Later that night, the very same Socs stumble upon Ponyboy and his buddy Johnny looking for a fight. Not only do they get a fight, but meek little Johnny knives one of the Socs and kills him. Ponyboy and Johnny go on the run and are about to start a new life when something unexpected happens. The church they were hiding out in blazes with a wild fire, with several small children trapped inside. With their big hearts in tow, Ponyboy and Johnny jump into the fire and bring the children out, who would have otherwise died. Juvenille delinquents turned heros, say the papers, but that doesn't make Ponyboy feel any better because his buddy Johnny caught the brunt of the rescue and is in critical condition. Meanwhile, things between the Socs and the Greasers are at an all-time low ever since Johnny murdered one of the Socs, and an ultimate showdown is on the way. Will Johnny make it out of the hospital alive? Who will come out on top of the big fight, Socs or Greasers? Is Ponyboy going to stay sweet and poetic or will he succumb to the hardships of his lifestyle and lose heart?

First line of the book:

"When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home."

BONAS JONAS: My FAVORITE aspect of this novel is the circular nature of it. Circle stories (the first and last paragraph are the same) are my absolute favorite and it definitely made this book that much better for me. I think I actually squealed with delight, but then again, I squeal and shake with delight like a guinea pig often. I am easily excitable. But still! Amazing!

Reasons library school shouldn't exist

Oh wait, there's only one:

• It is an institution that tries to outdo any rocket science and quantum physics program in collecting as many odd and socially awkward people together to meet and become friends.
  

See also: the Library Ladies Slumber Party we had last night. Just the fact that we find the need to call ourselves Library Ladies like we are in a teen drama show should indicate something in and of itself, but don't take my word for it. I will briefly review the highlights of the amazingness that was last night.

1. Danielle brought $20 worth of J-14, Bop, Tiger Beat and god knows what other glorious abominations to my house and we ripped out the posters and took quizzes letting us know which Jonas Brother is in love with us. Or something. There will be pictures in the future of the amazing RPattz and Kristen Stewart pictures I am now in the possession of once they go up on my wall. Don't you fret.
   
2. Apples to Apples is always a good time, but I noticed the single greatest thing about the game. While the puns in the noun descriptions are always a good time, Puff Daddy's blurb makes him my new automatic win card so remember that in case we ever play. It actually says, "'I'll be missing you' shot him to stardom." How does that even exist?!? [emphasis mine]
3. Speaking of Apples to Apples automatic win cards, Meghan imparted these wise words: "Helen Keller is the golden snitch of Apples to Apples." So true.
   
4. In other Apples to Apples happenings, we discovered that Cara=Blair Waldorf. Her adjectives are: mystical, timeless, wicked, glamorous, cold, luxurious, delicate, and sultry. I have yet to read Gossip Girls or watch it, but I am assured this is fact.
   
5. An event that is too glorious for words. You will have to wait until I post the pictures. Tingle with utmost anticipation because it is the single most ridiculous moment of my life.
   
6. Meghan shared a story that would ordinarily be heartbreaking and slightly adorable if not for the fact that it was had at 4 am. After Breaking Dawn was released, a woman went to the cemetery every day to read the book to her deceased teenage daughter because she was obsessed with Twilight but passed away before the release of the new book. We then had this inappropriate conversation:
   
   Sara:It's probably better that she died before that book came out.
   Me: [Meyer] could have stopped with Eclipse.
   Danielle: [The Twilight Saga] should never have existed.
   Me: How could you say such blasphemous words!? What would I write about on my blog?
   Lisa: What would Kristi(e)'s dog be named?
   
   The last bit from Lisa refers to the fact that I want to name my future female pug Renesmee. It is clearly the best name anyone could ever give their pet, if not their first born. In fact, if it wasn't for my dedication to my 2nd grade dream to name my daughter Claudia after the vice-prez of the BSC I might consider it (okay, false... I was just pulling your leg; however, the pug's appellation really is going to be Renesmee).
   
7. Twi-friggin'-light Madlibs. We completed two, but I will share the best one:
   
   "So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?" I was hoping he would, thought it seemed swimmingly. I couldn't picture him loading up to jizz with the rest of the pants from school; he didn't belong in the same world. But just hoping that he might gave me my first twinge of ejaculation I'd felt for the outing.
   
   "Where are you all going, exactly?" He was still looking ahead, bouncy, moist.
   
   "Down to your mom's house, to the grotto." I studied his face, trying to read it. His eyes seemed to narrow hauntingly.
   
   He glanced down at me from the corner of his eye, fornicating chagriningly. "I really don't think I was invited."
   
   I sighed. "I just invited you."
   
   "Let's you and I not push poor Bonus Jonas any further this week. We don't want him to snap." His eyes dance; he was enjoying the idea more than he should.

Speaking of Bonus Jonas, it's time for one of those now that we reach the end of the sleep over.

BONUS JONAS: We obviously had to look up the jizz in my pants digital short from SNL after the Mad Libs, and the first result I got back was Harry Potter jizz in my pants. Um.... AMAZING?! Oh wait, and I just found this johnson just now: Twilight jizz in my pants. Oh biology scene...

Thanks dad

What kind of emails does your father send you? If your dad is like mine he finds it appropriate to send the following embodiment of hilarity: Of course it is complete with a disclaimer from the mother, but please feel free to ignore it because I am.

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This photo is of me selling a shovel.
Mrs. Harrington

7th graders are my blog's BFF

"Ms., it's not fair that dwarf planets aren't considered real when dwarf humans are."

Epic. Truly epic, Mr. 7th grade patron. My blog thanks you for your hilarity.

Review: Th1rteen R3asons Why

A lengthy aside.

This book is many things. Moving. Disturbing. Unsettling. Occasionally funny in ways that shouldn't be. None of these descriptions touch upon what this book really is. I couldn't even put it all out here for you in a simple review. You just have to experience it.

The book opens on an obvious tragedy. The reader isn't made aware at first, but the tone and mood are ominous and on page 3 the narrator, a high school boy named Clay, admits that he wishes he could collapse. Tape recordings are mentioned and it is implied that the message of the tapes is the reason our narrator is an emotional mess. It isn't until the next chapter, which takes us back to the moment Clay first gets the tapes, that we begin our journey to find out why.

Again, I've already said you need to experience this book. I'm not going to reveal the content of the tapes here because it is the process of discovering Hannah Baker's story that makes this book worth reading. I will tell you the basics and nothing more. Hannah killed herself. No one knows why. No one, that is, until she sends a package with no return address to the first person on her list. Inside the package are the tapes I've told you about earlier. These tapes contain thirteen stories. Each story helps shed light on the true pain and hidden disturbance that Hannah experienced every day. Hannah's stories are exposed to both the reader and Clay at the same time, making his pain the reader's pain. This is a visceral account of how rumors and unkind boys can destroy an already fragile girl and the drastic measures she took to ensure that those problems never hurt her again.

My reaction to this book is multi-faceted and something I still can't articulate, even though I read it back in November. On the one hand, it alerts readers to the vicious cycle of rumors and exactly why labeling people based on what one hears is absurd. This definitely touched me on a personal level because my high school experience was very similar to Hannah (minus actually committing suicide, obviously). My penchant for tight clothes because they felt most comfortable and my slender, yet curvy figure attracted the wrong attention and it was years before I figured out why. Despite being prudish in high school, I was labeled all kinds of unappealing names I still don't wish to think about. This book is perfect for many high school girls for that reason. To know they are not alone. Their pain is real and valid, but at the same time, there has got to be a better way of dealing with it than the way Hannah did.

The other side of this is that it almost glorifies suicide. Yes, the reader is definitely left with Clay's pain more than Hannah's and most would be able to conclude that suicide is not even an option, let alone an answer. Most. My fear with this book is I know how I would have reacted in high school and it isn't pretty. For the reasons mentioned previously amonst many more, I was ridiculously depressed and might have taken away a different message than the one I'm offering to you today. I guess what I'm trying to say is, be careful about how you recommend this book and to whom.

First line of the book:

"Sir?" she repeats. "How soon do you want to get it there?"

Stormbreaker Review

What better review to follow Twilight than the male equivalent?  If Twilight is every 14 year-old girl's dream come true, then Stormbreaker is every 14 year-old boy's fantasy.  I mean, what boy doesn't want to realize he has the makings of a spy?  Exactly.

Granted, the book starts off on a sour note.  Alex Rider is informed early in the morning that his uncle, his only familial relations and guardian, was killed in a car accident.  Not wearing his seatbelt they told him.  Throughout the funeral services Alex has a nagging feeling that people weren't telling him the truth about his uncle's death.  For one thing, hell would freeze over twice before his uncle would drive around without his seatbelt.  Secondly, all the men that swore they worked at the bank with his uncle rub him the wrong way.  And one of them brought a gun to the funeral.  Determined to get some answers, Alex seeks out the impound lot where his uncle's car was taken and once he sees the BMW he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt he was lied to.  Bullet holes riddle the driver's side and there is a rust-colored stain no one needs to tell him is blood.  He gets stuck in the car mere moments before the compactor is going to have it's way with the BMW.  After a nervous few seconds, his leg gets dislodged and he runs away... straight into the man with a gun from the funeral.  

Before he could go the same way as his uncle, Alex karate kicks the muscle man and jets (B-T-dubs... he is a black belt.  How fortunate).  The "bank," Royal & General, call Alex in to discuss his future as he is now their ward.   In true "don't push the red button" fashion, they point out which office is his uncle's but they tell him he can't go in.  Somehow this leads to his jumping out a window 15 stories up onto a flagpole just to get into the office... I don't get it but this means that he is resourceful enough to pass their test and he becomes a spy.  Or something.  He endures some boot camp and gets a tricked out Gameboy Kim Possible style and bada bing, bada boom he's ready for some espionage.   

He is posing as a contest winner named Felix who won the privilege of being the first to test out the fancy Stormbreaker, a computer with a round processor.  Whatever that means.  Anyway, the creator of the Stormbreaker is too good to be true.  Upon completing the Stormbreakers, he plans on donating hundreds to English schools amongst other Marty Sue qualities.  Despite this, he has a personal army and has been known to consort with a contract killer.  Is he a bad guy?  Well, I can't tell you that.  But I will tell you this, the entire time I read it I felt as if I was reading a script for a blockbuster action movie with a 14 year-old protagonist.  Now I know why....

First line of the book:

"When the doorbell rings at three in the morning, it's never good news"

Twilight Review

As if I need to review this book. However, since I decided to review all the books for my Materials for Young Adults class, what better place to start than literary crack? You know it's horrible, but you just can't stop reading it. Anyway, it's a classic boy meets girl story.... on GHB.

Long story short (and I mean long story—it clocks in at a whopping 498 pages) girl makes the self-sacrificing decision to move in with her father she doesn't really know so her immature mother can galavant around the states with her baseball player boytoy. Girl is miserable and clumsy and ordinary and boring and clumsy and ordinary and thinks no boy can possibly love her because of how ordinary and clumsy she is, even though everything in her new school with a penis wants on her. Meanwhile, boy and his family are pompous and have nothing to do with the rest of the student body. Nothing, that is, until girl moves into town. Two-hundred pages later, boy and girl get together even though boy wants to eat her. Promptly get your minds out of the gutter because he wants to drink her blood, not do anything kinky. Please people, he is mormon. As it turns out, boy is not a boy but a vegetarian vampire (which is an absurd description, since they drink animal blood...Stephanie Meyer needs to look up what vegetarian means in her dictionary). After a ridiculous courting stage where boy insults girl, girl decides she can't live without him and then boy reveals he was only pushing her away for her own benefit since he wants to kill her. They start dating and he introduces her to the fam. Wholesome times ensue, as they all hang out and play baseball. But vampire baseball is not any ole baseball, because it requires a thunderstorm to conceal the boisterous ball crack that comes from having superhuman strength. Other vampires hear the noise and want to play. These vampires aren't like the boy's family because they suck human blood and they want girl's blood like woah. Clearly boy isn't having this and he ships her off to her hometown in Arizona because one of the vampires is a “tracker.” Stalker vampire isn't thwarted and manages to get her alone and starts to eat her, but is killed by boy's family. Boy has to suck her blood anyway because she is starting to turn into a vampire from the venom stalker vampire injects. They go to prom and everyone is happy, except girl because she hates proms because she is clumsy and ordinary and spend the whole time pouting because boy won't turn her into a vampire. The end.

And that is Twilight. See, we didn't need all 498 pages after all!

First line of the book:

“My mother drove me to the airport with the windows rolled down.”

In case you needed more reasons to love Liz Burns

"the Newbery [award] is our Angelina Jolie"

As much as I'm all about taking interesting quotes out of context just to make a funny, that would belittle her compelling argument. So please do yourselves a favor and follow the above link to read her views on the current discussion of diversity in children's literature, specifically relating to the Newbery.

On that note...

This quote from the last entry's BONUS JONAS Philip Pullman interview was so spot on that it deserved its own post.  

"Books should be at the heart of every place of learning, and every community should have a library where children are welcome."

::Philip Pullman::

True freaking story!

Please don't fall asleep at the desk

That's just a little something I've been chanting in my head over here at the mostly abandoned children's reference desk to keep my head from making contact with the wood in front of it. Someone had this up as a neat little game on their facebook status a month or so ago, so I'm going to steal it here and have a good ole blog meme day. This will probably be the first of many attempts to keep me lucid.

Grab the closest book and open it to page 52. Type in the fifth sentence on that page exactly as it appears in the book.

"In the movie theaters of the larger cities, movies from Mexico and Hollywood are shown."

::Honduras...in Pictures::Visual Geography Series::

So you go out and do the same. Post it on your blog or in the comments section!

EDIT:: Apparently it is page 56. In that case:

"Two or three of the sprouts are allowed to bear."

Classic RPattz

I've seen this video a while ago in which Robert Pattinson says,

"I thought they were just giving it to me... like a tribute. A sacrifice,"

in regards to being handed a baby for a photo opt.

However, I've never actually seen the picture he speaks of...until now!! A recent Twilight Google image search has ripened to yield this beauteous photograph of RPattz pretending to eat a baby.

::slow clap::

EDIT: Obviously Viacom took the above video off YouTube, so please view it here on the MTV video archive.

Adorables

I love Rachel and Tobias's love so much it hurts sometimes. It's so... idk. But it's so adorable and very, very weird. I mean, any relationship involving a 12-year-old girl and her crush-turned-bird-turned-morphing-bird lover has to be odd.

"I know. I'm gonna go get some wings and come on up there. Keep an eye out for me."

[I always will] he said.

Slacking...

That's what I've been up to.  Sorry dudes.  Anyway, this quote is from a program last week.  I love seventh graders, they are just so... weird.  

"John McCain and I are buddies from prison camp."  

Excuse me random seventh grade boy, what did you say?  Oh that's right.  You said nonsense.  Funny nonsense--extremely silly nonsense--but nonsense all the same.  Nonsense=my passion.

"News?" asked the taller of the two.

"The best," replied Severus Snape.

This article I found on Jill Ratzan's Facebook profile is some of the best news I've heard all week! The fact that there are others picking through the Potter texts for the subtle, more literary layers makes me squee and flail like a school girl! I just wish that I could have taken a class called Battling Against Voldemort 101 my freshman year. Oh well...