Librarians make me giggle.

While I found this rather enjoyable, I'm glad I graduated from Rutgers without impersonating Lady Gaga whilst lauding the benefits of proper searching.

Link via Boing Boing (found on facebook via Jess T).

Ello!

I've been m.i.a lately, but I'm going to be mysterious and evasive for a few more days (perhaps weeks) before I announce the reason why. Why? Because I'm evil like that, yo. Mwahahahhahahaa

Anyway, I feel bad completely leaving you hanging so check this out. I saw it on Craftzine a while back, but it's still amazing. If you haven't seen it yet get on that. :D

Amanda Palmer signed your mom's toilet last night

To: the world
From: Kristi(e)
Date: 11/14/09
Re: Your Jealousy

I'm aware of the fact that not everyone could be lucky enough to have been in attendance of one of the most awesome performances ever that it was as if you (performances, mind you--not simply "one of the best concerts" but the broader act of staging an entertaining presentation of any sort) but there is no need to shout at me and send Batman up and down my street to honk all day. You and your jealousy can simmer down now.

What's that? You're also upset that I got not only Amanda Palmer's autograph, but Neil Gaiman's? Tough noogies. The exquisite Ms. Sara of Librarian Boredom was in attendance and received autographs as well so go bother her.

Fine, I will show you a photographic representation of the library catalog card for Blacks in the Military: Essential Documents signed by Mr. Gaiman to prove to you that ridiculous happening happened. Yes I'm sad the catalog card was too small for both Amanda and Neil to sign on the same side, no need to rub it in.

... Are you done yet? Fine I will rub it in YOUR face that I had a fantastic time last night. In fact, I will pontificate upon it in a bulleted list in no particular order (because how else will you knew precisely how much fun was really had?):

• Amanda Fucking Palmer told me that I was a good librarian for wearing my glasses to her show. 8)
  
• I have a new favorite song thanks to a random twitter user that may or may not have been at the concert. Amanda may end up telling you that it was not her best performance of the song, but don't listen to her world. I think her charm and humor made her rendition of Pirate Jenny the best I've heard so far (and I've listened to about 4 different versions today [including Bea Arthur's so let's just be real here for a second]). Just shy of 4 minutes of this youtube video you can see the Dresdon Dolls performing Pirate Jenny. DO IT!!!
  
• Amanda read a short story from Who Killed Amanda Palmer and was quite stupendous at storytelling.
  
• Sara's question was read during Ask Amanda! What were the odds?!
  
• Amanda had two artists create fabulous works of art during the duration of the concert that were then auctioned off. There were all kinds of unexpected surprises!
  
• Pretty much every single space in the venue allowed you to have full view of the stage. WIN!
• Nervous Cabaret was a fantastic surprise. Most indubitably for how amazing they were, but most notably for the fabulous facial hair.
• Amanda Fucking Palmer covered the Ting Tings That's Not My Name and made it a jolly affair. That's right, I said it.
  
• Just when I gave up all hope of hearing Coin Operated Boy everyone on stage rallied for a mind blowing performance to close the show!

I think I've rambled enough now. Long story short, you're silly for not going to an Amanda Palmer show. Fix that yesterday.

NaNoWriMo is my nemesis

November is my favorite month, hands down. First of all, if not for this month I would have a birthday in some less fortunate month that is not November. Secondly, excessive amounts of pumpkin are everywhere. Everywhere. Plus there is something to be said about fabulous shopping deals around every corner. Ahhh November.

But there is one aspect of November that fills my stomach with dread and occasionally puts a scowl on my face. If the post title didn't give it away, this is brought about by the fact that November is National Novel Writing Month. NaNoWriMo mocks me with it's overly productive participants:

"Haaaai Kristi(e), how you doin' gurrl? Me and thousands of mah BFFLs are hangin' out gettin' 2gether writin' up some 50,000 word novels and junk. How's your novel doin'? Oh you got 2 flashcards with character names and whatever written down? That's fine gurl that's fyne. Maybe we can all get some coffee next year or sommen. Take kare of urself!"

I'm aware that if NaNoWriMo were to actually become anthropomorphized it would speak properly, but you must realize that my nemeses always have poor grammar when we get together for tea in my head so that no matter what they say I always speak more eloquently. Duh.

Anyway, I bring all this up because John Green makes a fabulous point in one of his more recent Vlog Brother posts: Anything produced during NaNoWriMo is complete and utter garbage. You hear that NaNoWriMo?! You and your BFFLs are GARBAGE! Even John Green won't be able to come up with some gold in a month. You can stop making me feel bad about the non-existent novel I'm writing, tyvm.

That said, anyone actually participating I wish you the best of luck! Because while the novel you write may end up smelling worse than a city dumpster, it is the foundation for a fabulous novel once you put in all the time and effort revising. Don't take my word for it, either. Try on what Editorial Anonymous has to say about revisions and rejections for size.

Whoopi's Wizarding Foot-in-mouth spell

Whoops. Apparently reading her index cards with info on the guests she's interviewing on The View is not on Whoopi's agenda before she carelessly tosses them aside. Check out the wizarding faux pax below:

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

(via Best Week Ever)

Well this explains about 64% of the strips now...

ETA: Alternate theory.

A very important date, indeed!

Yesterday I talked about the horrifying opera of Alice in Wonderland, so it's probably the right moment to bring up the new Tim Burton Alice film slated to come out next year. This. looks. AWESOME! I am super pumped and I'm glad Burton is taking it in the direction he is (i.e., a new storyline and not the same tale rehashed yet again). Countdown until March 5th commences!

ETA: Apparently the trailer is removed until tomorrow. :( Sorry guys.

(!)

Oh man! Why hasn't anyone taken me to see this Alice in Wonderland Opera? I can't remember the last time I woke up screaming from chronic nightmares. I think it's about time and I'm pretty sure this take on Carroll's classic is just the ticket for is-this-bed-moist-or-am-I-just-happy-to-be-awake level of night terrors. Thanks, SuperPunch!

MINI BOOK ALERT!!! I love mini things. I love books. By their powers combine, we get the Captain of AMAZINGNESS!

This reminds me of Kid Kits. Does anyone else remember Kid Kits? I always wanted one. I pretended I wanted to babysit, when really, I just wanted the Kid Kit. AND IT'S MINI!! I'm about to have an aneurysm from excessive enjoyment with all these teeny tiny how-tos floating around the interwebz. (via Craft)

Why do I not watch Jimmy Fallon's late night show? Seriously. He is trying to get a Saved by the Bell reunion up in this bitch and his show is conducive to this level of comedic genius? Thank you Meg Cabot's twitter! You've outdone yourself and that's sayin' something because you also brought me the trailer for My Little Ponies: Live Action.

Technically it's Tuesday somewhere...

I have to say, of all the fan art I've ever seen, Harry Potter fans take the cake!

See also:

Stop right there!

Super Punch is hosting a video detailing how to make a stop animation puppet from clay, wire, foam and a ping pong ball, amongst other items. So flippin' cool. When I traced it back to Glueandglitter.com I saw these bad boys:
I am very hungry just looking at them, despite being full 2.2 seconds previous.

Yet more reasons to want to be a librarian

Why wouldn't you want to be an advocate for these guys?  Children's authors=my heroes.  Thanks Fuse 8 for the link!

JoBros force me to tears

My friend Danielle sent me this in an email and I can't cope.  It is too adorable for words.  I think I've heard one Jonas Brothers song and thought it was crap, but I appreciate them as celebrities. For the record, I don't find celebrities to be real people.  I mean, sure sure they are people but the gossip? the publicity?  Fiction.  

Anyway, please view this video with a box of Kleenex and tell me you didn't use at least one thousand tissues witnessing this 9 year old with terminal cancer get not one but TWO wishes come true!

Review: For-Eeeev-Er

Somehow, despite not really liking The Sandlot while growing up I love the heck out of the scene where Chauncey* explains how long the dog will stay chained up, specifically the portion below:


So speaking of forever, how about that Judy Blume book? I think the only thing that I really have to say about it is exactly what my friend Danielle said when she saw me reading it, "That book is filthy." Since this is the internet, the italics could be misconstrued to mean that she was repulsed by this, but that is clearly why this book was worth reading. Duh. Sometimes I felt dirty reading it because I was in public. I know there was no little bunny and some jugs hanging out on the cover, but there might as well have been because I felt like I was reading straight up erotica. This is the first challenged book I read that I actually shrugged my shoulders in understanding after reading it.

The long and short of it (hehe he... apparently my mind will be in the gutter for the remainder of this review... you've been warned) is Katherine meets Michael at a New Year's Eve party and even though she tries to play it off like she isn't interested to us, the reader, she totes wants on him. Turns out that he too wants her, despite bringing some other chick to the party. Drama, drama, drama of the high school variety, and then they're going steady. They go on a date and then hang out in her house with more privacy than my parents would have allowed and start hooking up on a regular basis. The rest of the book progresses with their explicitly fooling around and professing they will love one another forever. Katherine's parents are concerned by the serious nature of their daughter's relationship and commands her to be a tennis counselor in another state. Boo hoo. End of the world to begin in five... four... three... two... one... or so it feels to someone with their first love.

SPOILER!

They break up and I laughed. Haha. Oh high school love, how naive and adorable you are. I remember you like a nagging pimple on my upper lip.

First Line:

"Sybil Davis has a genius I.Q. and has been laid by at least six different guys."

*when an actor's real name is this awesome, all names of the characters portrayed are irrelevant. For the record.

Reasons library school shouldn't exist

Oh wait, there's only one:

• It is an institution that tries to outdo any rocket science and quantum physics program in collecting as many odd and socially awkward people together to meet and become friends.
  

See also: the Library Ladies Slumber Party we had last night. Just the fact that we find the need to call ourselves Library Ladies like we are in a teen drama show should indicate something in and of itself, but don't take my word for it. I will briefly review the highlights of the amazingness that was last night.

1. Danielle brought $20 worth of J-14, Bop, Tiger Beat and god knows what other glorious abominations to my house and we ripped out the posters and took quizzes letting us know which Jonas Brother is in love with us. Or something. There will be pictures in the future of the amazing RPattz and Kristen Stewart pictures I am now in the possession of once they go up on my wall. Don't you fret.
   
2. Apples to Apples is always a good time, but I noticed the single greatest thing about the game. While the puns in the noun descriptions are always a good time, Puff Daddy's blurb makes him my new automatic win card so remember that in case we ever play. It actually says, "'I'll be missing you' shot him to stardom." How does that even exist?!? [emphasis mine]
3. Speaking of Apples to Apples automatic win cards, Meghan imparted these wise words: "Helen Keller is the golden snitch of Apples to Apples." So true.
   
4. In other Apples to Apples happenings, we discovered that Cara=Blair Waldorf. Her adjectives are: mystical, timeless, wicked, glamorous, cold, luxurious, delicate, and sultry. I have yet to read Gossip Girls or watch it, but I am assured this is fact.
   
5. An event that is too glorious for words. You will have to wait until I post the pictures. Tingle with utmost anticipation because it is the single most ridiculous moment of my life.
   
6. Meghan shared a story that would ordinarily be heartbreaking and slightly adorable if not for the fact that it was had at 4 am. After Breaking Dawn was released, a woman went to the cemetery every day to read the book to her deceased teenage daughter because she was obsessed with Twilight but passed away before the release of the new book. We then had this inappropriate conversation:
   
   Sara:It's probably better that she died before that book came out.
   Me: [Meyer] could have stopped with Eclipse.
   Danielle: [The Twilight Saga] should never have existed.
   Me: How could you say such blasphemous words!? What would I write about on my blog?
   Lisa: What would Kristi(e)'s dog be named?
   
   The last bit from Lisa refers to the fact that I want to name my future female pug Renesmee. It is clearly the best name anyone could ever give their pet, if not their first born. In fact, if it wasn't for my dedication to my 2nd grade dream to name my daughter Claudia after the vice-prez of the BSC I might consider it (okay, false... I was just pulling your leg; however, the pug's appellation really is going to be Renesmee).
   
7. Twi-friggin'-light Madlibs. We completed two, but I will share the best one:
   
   "So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?" I was hoping he would, thought it seemed swimmingly. I couldn't picture him loading up to jizz with the rest of the pants from school; he didn't belong in the same world. But just hoping that he might gave me my first twinge of ejaculation I'd felt for the outing.
   
   "Where are you all going, exactly?" He was still looking ahead, bouncy, moist.
   
   "Down to your mom's house, to the grotto." I studied his face, trying to read it. His eyes seemed to narrow hauntingly.
   
   He glanced down at me from the corner of his eye, fornicating chagriningly. "I really don't think I was invited."
   
   I sighed. "I just invited you."
   
   "Let's you and I not push poor Bonus Jonas any further this week. We don't want him to snap." His eyes dance; he was enjoying the idea more than he should.

Speaking of Bonus Jonas, it's time for one of those now that we reach the end of the sleep over.

BONUS JONAS: We obviously had to look up the jizz in my pants digital short from SNL after the Mad Libs, and the first result I got back was Harry Potter jizz in my pants. Um.... AMAZING?! Oh wait, and I just found this johnson just now: Twilight jizz in my pants. Oh biology scene...

This makes me want to eat the entire package of bacon I have waiting for me

Um, can this please be a real TV show?  Please?!  I would cancel plans on a Friday night to watch this show, it is that amusing.

Watch and have your life changed.

Adorables

This video is very well done and tranquil.  A fabulous combination of craftsmanship and distraction from my never ending homework pile.  A+ video, A+.

So excited I might have a heart attack

Hands down my favorite picture book is Wanted: The Great Cookie Thief.  It's an old school Sesame Street joint from the seventies that takes place in the old west.  The town has an immense problem in the form of the Great Cookie Thief.  He steals all the cookies so no one can have any and the townsfolk are understandably miffed.  A fellow with big, white, googly eyes and blue, shaggy fur wanders in and everyone is convinced that he is the elusive criminal.  Not one to jump to conclusions, the sheriff sends someone over to check the potential perp against the wanted poster to ensure they are accusing the right man.  After verifying several things, including his fur, eyes, bandana and hat they know he is for sure the criminal mastermind behind the missing cookies.  Once accused, Cookie Monster alters the wanted poster in an act of considerable skullduggery so that the criminal featured has a mustache, which he clearly doesn't.  The townsfolk apologize, only to find out that he is indeed the Great Cookie Thief when he showers them all with cookies after lifting his cap.  Oh that Cookie Monster.

I decided to finally review this literary classic because I found THIS VIDEO that nearly gave me a heart attack.  Apparently there is a video version of the book and a brainiac in the truest sense of the word decided to pair it with Michael Jackson's Smooth Criminal, making my life.  Literally.  If I were to die this moment it would most likely be okay because my life is complete.  I'm sure my friends and family will be sad, so I hope I don't die, but still.. life=complete.

Inkheart Trailer

I SAW THE INKHEART TRAILER ON TV TODAY!!!  That makes it official--in case you didn't know.  Because when you see a trailer in the theater and get flippin' excited about it, that doesn't mean anything, let me tell you.  I saw the Inkheart trailer way back in 2007 before The Golden Compass and swallowed the lies that it would be released in 2008.  Well, now that a movie trailer has made its way to the silver screen, it better mean business.  Or else.

As for the trailer itself, does it seem like they read themselves into the book to you?  I have this nagging feeling that they do, just from the description given in the trailer.  Lame.  That isn't supposed to happen until Inkspell, silly heads.  Please hope I am wrong in this hypothesis because otherwise I will be incorrigibly angry for a very long time.  

BONUS JONAS:  I found this bad-boy cruising around for the official Golden Compas movie website.  I heart Philip Pullman immensely.  It's a fabulous interview and apparently he is making a new book in the His Dark Materials universe.  Where have I been?  Oh right, obsessed with the rubbish that is Twilight.  Oops.  As for the official Golden Compass movie website, it has sadly been taken down, which is rather depressing since it was beautifully designed and a wonderful time suck.  In its stead is this craptastic ad campaign.  Lame.

This just in!

Danielle sent this glorious video in an email this afternoon.  Ah-mazing. 

Note: embed video features have been hating me massively lately, so here's the link to Twilight High School Musical.  It is very disturbing and if you hate musicals (like myself) but love Twilight, you might still enjoy it like I did.  But only once and never, ever again.

Speaking of Zenon...

...check this video out.