Thank you Internet, my Christmas present from you was fabulous!

Dear Internet,

It would have been enough for you to just give me this picture:

Little elven Alice? Rudolph Jacob? Taking a Christmas carol and placing it in hilarious context? It was too much to ask for. But the rest of the website upon which I found it? That was simply selfless of you! I can never repay you for such a gem. How ever would I have known that Santa might be a vampire? You're right, it IS kind of awesome.

(!)

Oh man! Why hasn't anyone taken me to see this Alice in Wonderland Opera? I can't remember the last time I woke up screaming from chronic nightmares. I think it's about time and I'm pretty sure this take on Carroll's classic is just the ticket for is-this-bed-moist-or-am-I-just-happy-to-be-awake level of night terrors. Thanks, SuperPunch!

MINI BOOK ALERT!!! I love mini things. I love books. By their powers combine, we get the Captain of AMAZINGNESS!

This reminds me of Kid Kits. Does anyone else remember Kid Kits? I always wanted one. I pretended I wanted to babysit, when really, I just wanted the Kid Kit. AND IT'S MINI!! I'm about to have an aneurysm from excessive enjoyment with all these teeny tiny how-tos floating around the interwebz. (via Craft)

Why do I not watch Jimmy Fallon's late night show? Seriously. He is trying to get a Saved by the Bell reunion up in this bitch and his show is conducive to this level of comedic genius? Thank you Meg Cabot's twitter! You've outdone yourself and that's sayin' something because you also brought me the trailer for My Little Ponies: Live Action.

Oh you crazy kids

My new colleague Jessica summed it up best,"Homeless man should focus on getting a house, not reading sex books."

Note: Thoughts on the new job will come later this week. :D

Oh dear god!

This crosses a line even for me. Some photoshop extraordinaire bludgeoned these childhood classics with dirty titles. Though, I do have to give a nod to this one. I almost feel like that should be the title to go with the coverart.
View the rest here.

The reason it's probably a good idea I'm not actually a YA librarian yet...

...Because I would litter the Teen Myspace page with links like the following instead of homework help and other materials generally found on a library's page.  I'd be all OMG check theze out guyz! 

[Note: Any post that has no asterisk after it is the actual post title.  Anything with an asterisk indicates that I summarized the post in my own words]

• 50 Animals in Convincing Wigs (Best Week Ever)
• If Rene Magritte, Salvador Dali, and C.M. Coolidge drew Wolverine (Super Punch)
• Really flippin' cool jewelry that is too expensive but still awesome (Margaux Lange)*
• Librarian approved way to defile a book (Shelf Talker)*
• For real, Disney has a farm and they sell eggs?  (Best Week Ever)*
• Edward Cullen gets pwned by Buffy (Gratz Industries)*
• Willed into existence by the internet: Handcuffed prisoners butt heads (Best Week Ever)
• I pity tha fool who doesn't make this paper toy (Toy a Day)*
• Elf detection 101 (Slate)

BONAS JONAS:  This was in one of the professional magazines I'm supposed to read on desk at work.  Can I just say I heart libraries like woah?  Okay... because I already did.

"In 'Other' new, we had a fire in the shrubbery that was taken care of quickly and without damage. We are keeping an eye on a potential problem customer who believes the librarians are witches and the computer printer is run by Satan, and periodically lets us know this in a loud voice."

::Randallstown June Monthly Report, July 2008:quoted in Library Administrator's Digest November 2008::

Apparently I'm into spontaneous booktalks in McDonalds.

When fumbling through my overlarge bag for my wallet, I pulled out a number of things--mainly books. As I was collecting them I muttered, "I guess it's obvious I'm a librarian since I have about 6 books in my bag."

This prompted my pubescent cashier to ask what I'm reading. I gave a mini-booktalk including air quotes around the words "boy book." He informed me he liked horror and I was like oh this isn't like that and felt around my hungry brain for the best way to say "coming of age story" without actually using such a cliche phrase. After I filled up my soda I informed him that word on the street tells me that the book involves a suicide, but I didn't reach it yet. To which the cashier informed me, "Oh, I like suicides!"

This is why I am meant to be a young adult librarian. Words that come out of their mouths are more golden than the arches blazing the parking lot of this annecdote's setting.

Reasons library school shouldn't exist

Oh wait, there's only one:

• It is an institution that tries to outdo any rocket science and quantum physics program in collecting as many odd and socially awkward people together to meet and become friends.
  

See also: the Library Ladies Slumber Party we had last night. Just the fact that we find the need to call ourselves Library Ladies like we are in a teen drama show should indicate something in and of itself, but don't take my word for it. I will briefly review the highlights of the amazingness that was last night.

1. Danielle brought $20 worth of J-14, Bop, Tiger Beat and god knows what other glorious abominations to my house and we ripped out the posters and took quizzes letting us know which Jonas Brother is in love with us. Or something. There will be pictures in the future of the amazing RPattz and Kristen Stewart pictures I am now in the possession of once they go up on my wall. Don't you fret.
   
2. Apples to Apples is always a good time, but I noticed the single greatest thing about the game. While the puns in the noun descriptions are always a good time, Puff Daddy's blurb makes him my new automatic win card so remember that in case we ever play. It actually says, "'I'll be missing you' shot him to stardom." How does that even exist?!? [emphasis mine]
3. Speaking of Apples to Apples automatic win cards, Meghan imparted these wise words: "Helen Keller is the golden snitch of Apples to Apples." So true.
   
4. In other Apples to Apples happenings, we discovered that Cara=Blair Waldorf. Her adjectives are: mystical, timeless, wicked, glamorous, cold, luxurious, delicate, and sultry. I have yet to read Gossip Girls or watch it, but I am assured this is fact.
   
5. An event that is too glorious for words. You will have to wait until I post the pictures. Tingle with utmost anticipation because it is the single most ridiculous moment of my life.
   
6. Meghan shared a story that would ordinarily be heartbreaking and slightly adorable if not for the fact that it was had at 4 am. After Breaking Dawn was released, a woman went to the cemetery every day to read the book to her deceased teenage daughter because she was obsessed with Twilight but passed away before the release of the new book. We then had this inappropriate conversation:
   
   Sara:It's probably better that she died before that book came out.
   Me: [Meyer] could have stopped with Eclipse.
   Danielle: [The Twilight Saga] should never have existed.
   Me: How could you say such blasphemous words!? What would I write about on my blog?
   Lisa: What would Kristi(e)'s dog be named?
   
   The last bit from Lisa refers to the fact that I want to name my future female pug Renesmee. It is clearly the best name anyone could ever give their pet, if not their first born. In fact, if it wasn't for my dedication to my 2nd grade dream to name my daughter Claudia after the vice-prez of the BSC I might consider it (okay, false... I was just pulling your leg; however, the pug's appellation really is going to be Renesmee).
   
7. Twi-friggin'-light Madlibs. We completed two, but I will share the best one:
   
   "So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?" I was hoping he would, thought it seemed swimmingly. I couldn't picture him loading up to jizz with the rest of the pants from school; he didn't belong in the same world. But just hoping that he might gave me my first twinge of ejaculation I'd felt for the outing.
   
   "Where are you all going, exactly?" He was still looking ahead, bouncy, moist.
   
   "Down to your mom's house, to the grotto." I studied his face, trying to read it. His eyes seemed to narrow hauntingly.
   
   He glanced down at me from the corner of his eye, fornicating chagriningly. "I really don't think I was invited."
   
   I sighed. "I just invited you."
   
   "Let's you and I not push poor Bonus Jonas any further this week. We don't want him to snap." His eyes dance; he was enjoying the idea more than he should.

Speaking of Bonus Jonas, it's time for one of those now that we reach the end of the sleep over.

BONUS JONAS: We obviously had to look up the jizz in my pants digital short from SNL after the Mad Libs, and the first result I got back was Harry Potter jizz in my pants. Um.... AMAZING?! Oh wait, and I just found this johnson just now: Twilight jizz in my pants. Oh biology scene...

Thanks dad

What kind of emails does your father send you? If your dad is like mine he finds it appropriate to send the following embodiment of hilarity: Of course it is complete with a disclaimer from the mother, but please feel free to ignore it because I am.

Dear Ms. Davis,

I want to be very clear on my child's illustration. It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint. I work at Home Depot and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm. This photo is of me selling a shovel.
Mrs. Harrington

Drive-by link dump

Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow! Pow!

Link ambush!

Sorry for the gangsta stylings, but every time I go to blog, I get bombarded with, "Ms. I need more time!" "Ms. how do you find a google images?" "Ms. show me how to make a cootie catcher!" "Ms. How do I find things on google images?" Therefore, you will get overwhelmed with linkity link links. I mean, psht, don't these children know that my computer was attacked by zombies and the only time I have to give you these amazing links is when I am at work? Clearly the job comes first, so I will gladly stop blogging to give them the assistence they need (even if I have to show them the same thing 5 times before they actually get it), but still... YOU NEED TO SEE THESE LINKS!!!!!!

The 6 links up thar on the tippy top of the post are pretty self evident. As for the links that follow, they benefit from some blurbification.

I'm a 21st Century Reader, are you? Thanks, A Year of Reading!

Is it just me, or should someone turn the news into YA novels?

• Man steals live shark
• "U.S. Marshals tracked Marcus Schrenker, 38, to a north Florida campground late Tuesday night, peeling back the flap to his one-man tent to discover him in clouded consciousness with blood-soaked arms, muttering the word 'die.'" Um... excuse me? I thought only fiction writers were capable of this level of epicness.
  

Bib-Laura-graphy link dumps, so I don't have to. Thanks Laura! Though, I will point out my favorite article she mentioned, which is obvious since it is Twilight. Not only is it Twilight, but it involves cognitive pyschology!! I don't often (if ever) mention my love of this subject because Purple Polka isn't really the right forum, but Twilight+cognitive science=Heaven on the web.

The Book Chook offers some helpful hints on how to get those pesky, reluctant readers to enjoy reading. Thanks! Makes my job a whoooole lot easier here in Library Land. Let's get those parents' reading that information!!

Dr. Seuss can use 0nly 50 words to create a masterpiece, can you? Thanks Tales from an Open Book!

Um what? Note: the word Sexting is absurd. Thank you, YALSA Blog, for bringing it to my attention.

It's official

I love delurking week.  It's pretty much my favorite thing ever.  Not only did I find out that Alicia has a blog, but ex-lurker Bib-Laura-graphy has linked to the funniest thing I read all night.  Laura got it from Librarilly Blonde, but she gets all the credit for my discovering the link that made my night.  Made. my. night.

Can we please discuss how this letter from Stephanie Meyer's husband is absurd to the max and needs to be read by all Twilight LULers immediately?  Thanks.  

BONUS JONAS:  Bib-Laura-graphy also linked to this Twilight johnson about food for a Twilight themed party.  Could be of use to some, especially if they're into insulting their guests by serving food in dog bowls.  You know, if you're into that.

Oh goodness

Um... for real?  Pimp my (toddler's) ride?  This exists?  Clearly... pictures don't lie.  I've provided my favorite, but they are all nutso and should be viewed.  

I never thought of it that way...

This yuletide fanfic depicts Rachel of the Animorphs as transgendered. While reading it in the universe of the short fan piece it made a sense of sorts, but I don't think that it really makes cohesive sense to the storyline with the other glimpses we get into Rachel's life. Then it poses the question that because Rachel is the epitomie of a fierce, warrior female (with her despised nickname being Xena) does it therefore make her masculine? Is she destined to be a male in her next lifetime because of her personality or does that mean she is just a strong girl?

Note: Fanfic piece has spoilers about the ending of the series. Do not read if you wish to read the Animorphs series.

Uh-oh.

Apparently I'm trying to be a witch-doctor. 

This just in!

Danielle sent this glorious video in an email this afternoon.  Ah-mazing. 

Note: embed video features have been hating me massively lately, so here's the link to Twilight High School Musical.  It is very disturbing and if you hate musicals (like myself) but love Twilight, you might still enjoy it like I did.  But only once and never, ever again.

Classic RPattz

I've seen this video a while ago in which Robert Pattinson says,

"I thought they were just giving it to me... like a tribute. A sacrifice,"

in regards to being handed a baby for a photo opt.

However, I've never actually seen the picture he speaks of...until now!! A recent Twilight Google image search has ripened to yield this beauteous photograph of RPattz pretending to eat a baby.

::slow clap::

EDIT: Obviously Viacom took the above video off YouTube, so please view it here on the MTV video archive.

Jealous!

Yes, even with his greasy-I-don't-believe-in-lathering-once-let-alone-repeating hair (which, who actually repeats the lathering process? Have I been showering incompetently my whole life since I only dab that crap in there once?). I would pay all kinds of money for that type of impalement. All. Kinds.

Sims meets Buffy

This is weirder than when people make lego videos for audio clips.  At least with the legos, presumably they are lying around.  This johnson here has computer animation designed specifically to replace the visuals for the Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode Buffy v. Dracula.  ::Cough too much time on your hands cough::  Amusing, however.  Very, very amusing.

For reals?

Now, I am all about turning popular movies and children's shows into picture books/early readers and the like, but come on. According to the Slate.com slide-show I snagged from Mo Willem's blog, movies such as The Incredible Hulk, Ironman and The Dark Knight are being turned into early readers. Early readers!!!?!?! In case you haven't heard of these movies because of that huge rock on top of your body that you call home, please feel free to visit the IMDB pages I supplied on each of those movies up there. As you can see, these movies are PG-13. In fact, The Dark Knight traumatized me so much, I refuse to accept that it is rated anything below NC-17. How are you going to turn around and make a children's book about these movies?! An EARLY READER at that. I beg you! Kids are not so oblivious that they don't see the television commercials for these movies. Even if they do not have TV, the posters, action figures and various other advertisements are going to entice them to go further than reading these "kid friendly" books.

In a slightly less incredulous note, the slide-show is both educational (boo, hiss) and enjoyable and totally worth checking out.

Yet more things I never thought I'd say in the library...

Three of our regulars--regular trouble makers that is--were perusing the scrap paper bin. While that is quite usual of them, the fact that I had to say, "Stop pointing that musket at me," as a result of their newest creation is quite odd. Really guys? Paper guns? Okay, that I understand coming from sixth grade boys, but muskets? For reals?

Updates and an Observation (not necessarily in that order)

Observation from the Homework Center in YA: Teenagers wear too much cologne. Why am I able to smell it this strongly when you aren't even standing next to the desk?

Update from the Children's Room (circa last Friday, despite posting today): Sagging pants, which were all the rage when I was in middle school, is still very in. Noted. Only, instead of having 25% of the boxer shorts exposed, that same percentage is all that remains in the pants. After asking a sixth grade male to put at least 3/4 of his butt back his pants (which I think is a very doable compromise), he proceeded to hike his pants down lower and then show me. Wonderful. This happened a few times before I told him he needed to go outside for a little while to cool off in the rain. He pretended to leave for a minute before his grand buttocks finale. For his encore, he made sure his entire butt was hanging out of his jeans before getting down on all fours and crawling down the hallway. I really don't even know how to react to that. I ended up escorting him outside, but still... I don't know how to process the fact that some kid kinda-sorta mooned me in the library. Wtf?