Hold the flipping phone!!!!!!!!!!!!

First, let me stop bouncing up and down.

::long pause::

::crickets::

Okay. Glad that's settled. I just found out thanks to my wonderful inbox that vacation deals are now announced for The Wonderful World of Harry Potter with travel dates starting May 28th! While this is not the official start date (it's still the dreaded "Spring 2010"), the park has to be opening Memorial Day Weekend, right?! RIGHT!?!?!

I went on to the Leaky Cauldron for more info, but they know just as much as I do at this point. WHEN WILL MORE INFORMATION COME?!? (In case you couldn't tell, I am quite fond of the notion of going to The Wonderful World of Harry Potter during opening week. In fact, it has rather been my biggest fantasy since they mentioned they were making a theme park).

Aaaand back to our regularly scheduled programming of me being a horrid blogger due to things I can't officially talk about yet (Dear mailman, please get on that. I want to discuss why I'm not discussing stuff).

This just in!

Voldemort scrapbooks.

I'll let that sink in for a bit. ::pause:: Okay, okay he doesn't really because he's "fictional" and as many people have tried to address with me, fictional "beings" can't do anything outside of their books/tv/whatever. BUT... imagine if he did. Wouldn't it look a little something like... this:

Eh? Eh?

Okay. I have to clue you in. I recently went out to dinner with one of my bffs Sara and we spent at least twenty minutes debating what sort of secret, mundane activity the Dark Lord does in his spare time after we reminiced about the depiction of Edward Cullen in Growing Up Cullens* and settled on the moste anciente and noble art of scrapbooking.

Do you think Voldemort scrapbooks (or in this case, Scrapblogs)? No? What do you think he does? How about another kid/ya lit character? What are the secret lives of fictional beings?

*If you've never read Growing Up Cullens, get on that. You think you know Twilight, but you have no idea. That is the diary of their awesome lives.

Whoopi's Wizarding Foot-in-mouth spell

Whoops. Apparently reading her index cards with info on the guests she's interviewing on The View is not on Whoopi's agenda before she carelessly tosses them aside. Check out the wizarding faux pax below:

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

(via Best Week Ever)

Kanye Meme!

This is a meme I can get behind! I've participated in memes before, but "I'm a let you finish" is by far my favorite thus far. I've provided some of the gems I found below.

First on deck, a requisite Pottertastic "ima let you finish."

Next we have Kanye traveling back in time to give props to something that hasn't even happened yet.


No words.

And bringing it home with my personal favorite.


Bonas Jonas: Internet Hitler hates Kanye West

Oh Luna...

Actress Evanna Lynch, known to most as Luna Lovegood of the fifth and sixth Harry Potter films, is up for an award for Spike TV's SCREAM awards. I have my fingers crossed for her (especially considering she is combatting Ashley Greene of the Twilight dynasty) because seriously, no other character in the Harry Potter series has surpassed the version I imagined when reading better than Miss Lovegood.

Want to support Evanna? Click here to vote!

The Daily Prophet

How ridiculous is this image? I found it here doing a Google Image search for Horcruxes. Fun times.

In other news, I still have all these posts I want to write after finally seeing the latest film, but I want to see it again before I get down to the nitty gritty.

Kids, don't do drugs or you might end up altering the Potterverse. ::points and laughs:: You don't get your big death scene now, Crabbe! (Thanks, Mugglenet!)

You were seen by no less than a million muggles. Oh my flipplin' fuck! This cannot be real!!?! Does this mean that Undetectable Extension Charms are coming soon too? Because goodness knows that this little packrat could do with one of them bad boys (Again, props to Mugglenet with the assist from Leaky Cauldron).

MIcroblog day

I've been the worst blogger ever and despite the ambition that graduation + part time job + working computer = blog posts, I forgot to subtract all the time that moving and unpacking ultimately requires from this equation.

HOWEVER

It is Pottertastic Tuesday and I will post dag nabbit. Even if it is just pasting a story tangentially related to the man with the scar from the hilarious website, MyLifeIsAverage.

Today I was sitting on my friends porch. They have automatic porch lights that turn on at 6 o'clock. I waited until 5:59 and shouted "Lumos" at the lights. They turned on. I feel like a wizard. MLIA

ETA: Today, I was asking my teacher a question about Alcatraz. I said Azkaban. MLIA

ETA part deux: Today, my family all got new bathrobes. I got a black one, and my brother got a red one. They are really long, and make a *swoosh* noise when you run. I started pretending to be a death eater, and using forks as wands, my brother and I had a fight with magic. My sister called us immature and went back to pretending to be a princess in her pink one. MLIA

ETA (perhaps I should stop reading this site, since many people appear to like Harry Potter and you are now all aware of the fact that instead of blogging I read stupid websites): At school, I have a class with a kid whose last name is Potter and a kid whose first name is Draco. I might dedicate my entire year to making them hate each other. MLIA

Post-Pottertastic

So I went M.I.A. for a week. I figured once I graduated and settled into my new job that I would dive right back into blogging. Little did I remember that moving all of my stuff from school back into my already full room at home takes up a boatload of time. Oh well.

Last week, however, I was conspiculously absent. How could I, Kristi(e), NOT post on the eve of Half Blood Prince's opening day?! Because everyone else was. That's my cop out answer. I'm waiting until it opens in IMAX to get the good stuff. I want some 3D 12 minute opening scene action. I want to be the same size as Daniel Radcliffe's nostrils. I want stuff to blow up all around me and give me a migraine. So... until then I will be quiet on Tuesdays. Shhhh!

BONAS JONAS: It's been a while since I've done one of these. I've been looking up crafts for future library programs and stumbled across this bad boy. While we can't do it at the library, the Potter love evident in this purse needs to be shared with my fellow Potterphiles.

July = Harry Potter Month!

In honor of July being Harry Potter Month (you know, because making a post title a declarative sentence means I can proclaim this) I have some Zombie Haiku for you from Ryan Mecum's work of the same name. Now, I can hear those gears turning. Quiet them with some brain oil* and think on this:

• To quote the great white-bearded guy, Inferi "are corpses. Dead bodies that have been bewitched to do a dark lord's bidding." (Dumbledore::Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince)
  

Hmmm... that sure sounds like this TOTALLY FACTUAL bit of information I pulled off reference website numero uno, Wikipedia:

• Stories of zombies originated in the Afro-Caribbean spiritual belief system of Vodou, which told of the people being controlled as laborers by a powerful sorcerer.

That said, zombies are totally down for some Half-Blood Prince action, no? I think so. Side note, I am down for seeing some zombies in a Harry Potter film. Hopefully the cave scene allows me to wet myself in fright because it has so much potential! Enough fodder, let the zombie rumpus start!

Little old ladies
speed away in their wheelchairs,
frightened meals on wheels.

They are so lucky
that I cannot remember
how to use doorknobs.

Always be careful
when you're biting teeth with teeth.
Dead teeth tend to lose.

Brains, BRAINS, BRains,brains, BRAINS.
BRaiNS, brains, Brains, BRAINS, BRains, brains, BRAINS.
Brains, BRains, brains, BRAINS, brains.

*As we are discussing zombies, it's best to use metaphorical oil and not something like Extra Virgin Olive Oil. They might be tempted to eat brains, beginning with yours.

I wrote this thing that one time that sorta seemed like Harry Potter...

People are crazy.

JK Rowling is being sued for plagiarism... again. At least the 2008 lawsuit launched by director John Carl Buechler was slightly legitimate. Harry Potter is a central character's name in his 1986 movie, Troll. It's a fantastical story and one could imagine it possible there is overlap, presuming of course, that Rowling has seen the movie.

Now, however, people are just after their slice of the pie. A lawsuit launched by the estate of author Adrian Jacobs claims that the 1987 novel was blatantly ripped off throughout the Harry Potter series. Mugglenet has a pretty good recap you should check out over herr. At this point I feel like too many people are looking at their own works with Pottergoggles, connecting dots where they see fit to either publicize their own works or gain money from the immense success Lady Rowling has earned. Seriously guys? We're still doing this? ::eye roll::

... but aren't we still waiting for the 6th movie?

Dear goodness this weekend was rough (see also: I thought it was Monday all day). Fortunately, I found some Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows movie info over on Mugglenet and can get that Pottertastic Tuesday to you in a less than timely fashion, but in a fashion of sorts after all.

Gradumacation

In honor of graduation today and Pottertastic Tuesdays (with a little help from my recent fondness for fancy cakes) I present to you what I wish was waiting for me after the ceremony:

Technically it's Tuesday somewhere...

I have to say, of all the fan art I've ever seen, Harry Potter fans take the cake!

See also:

I don't know how I feel about this...

An animated Hog's Head to be placed in front of the bar of the same name. Mugglenet seems to support this, but I keep having nightmarish flashbacks to the dog (thing?) from The Never Ending Story and I whimper slightly. +++ to the Monster Book of Monsters idea, however.

Keep up the good work on making my spiffy, new hometown, the Wonderful World of Harry Potter. Thanx guyz!

Pottertastic Parasite

Movie theater fail:

I really appreciate that Harry must use a special wand of a plastic hanger in order to achieve the infetus abortionono. Wait. Shouldn't it be a wire hanger? Photoshop fail.

Pottertastic Tuesday

That's right, folks!  The weekly installments are back and better than ever.  What was I thinking removing such a handy feature from the weekly rotation?!  Clearly there is much to post about, as there are whispers from the theme park within a theme park, the movie is coming out in mere months (MONTHS!) and it's Harry freakin' Potter so there is something out there I can show you, I'm sure!  This week?  Tales from an Open Book gave me this gem two months ago and I'm just showing you now.  I know, I know, high treason.  My apologies.  But, you are viewing it now, no?

The poster gives me chills!!  The rain effect is slightly overdone but the poster redeems some major points with the eerie reflection of Dumbledore in Potter's spectacles.  

Crack? Cocaine? Nope, I'll take me some RPattz

So remember that time that Abby (the) librarian "tagged" me in her addictions meme post?  (by tagged I clearly mean we are both lazy and this is why I will do her survey.  She doesn't want to tag people and I don't want to generate something original during spring break)

Rules: Write up five things you're addicted to. 

1. Robert Pattinson.  It started off as an innocent crush--a faux-librarian getting pumped for the Twilight movie, projection and all that.  Then it moved on to watching interviews just to hear his beautiful British accent.  From there it became a full on love affair because he is hysterical and still vulnerable in a way that makes me want to stroke his hair.  People give him shit for his "poor hygiene" and awkward behavior, but I don't see how that does anything but add to his character.  Perhaps this is because I find showering only twice a week to be a common occurrence and I have taken to not leaving my house ever because of crippling social anxiety, but whatevs.  He's a dreamboat and I loves him! 

2.  Craft.  While I won't shell out the dough for their magazine, they provide me with gem after gem after gem of crafting goodies that it doesn't matter.

3.  K. A. Applegate.  We know how much I loves me some Animorphs, as people have shut doors in my face to get me to shut up about it, but I freaking love her in general.  She is my favorite author because of how well she appeals to the teen market (i.e., me... despite not actually being a teen).  I am currently finishing a reread of her Everworld series and will move on to read an independent book that she did before beginning Remnants, the series she wrote after Everworld.  LOVES!

4.  Harry freakin' Potter.  Yeah, he's slipping down the list, but that doesn't mean anything.  These books have become so important to me that they are like religious texts in my absurd life.  I think in Potterisms and quote it subtly in my daily life.  I banned myself from reading the books until July 21, 209 because I didn't want to overkill it.  

5.  Scrapblog.  'Nuff said.

BONAS JONAS:  SNL digital shorts would have to be my numba 6.  And apparently number 7 is speaking with incorrect grammar, despite being a grammarian.

Time Out!

A vacation is in order, as my schoolwork is reaching alarming levels.

Before I go, look over the conceptual renderings of The Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Studios! (click on Gallery) Is it just me, or is it odd that Hogsmeade is covered in snow but Hogwarts isn't? Aren't they right next to each other? ::shakes head::

Reasons library school shouldn't exist

Oh wait, there's only one:

• It is an institution that tries to outdo any rocket science and quantum physics program in collecting as many odd and socially awkward people together to meet and become friends.
  

See also: the Library Ladies Slumber Party we had last night. Just the fact that we find the need to call ourselves Library Ladies like we are in a teen drama show should indicate something in and of itself, but don't take my word for it. I will briefly review the highlights of the amazingness that was last night.

1. Danielle brought $20 worth of J-14, Bop, Tiger Beat and god knows what other glorious abominations to my house and we ripped out the posters and took quizzes letting us know which Jonas Brother is in love with us. Or something. There will be pictures in the future of the amazing RPattz and Kristen Stewart pictures I am now in the possession of once they go up on my wall. Don't you fret.
   
2. Apples to Apples is always a good time, but I noticed the single greatest thing about the game. While the puns in the noun descriptions are always a good time, Puff Daddy's blurb makes him my new automatic win card so remember that in case we ever play. It actually says, "'I'll be missing you' shot him to stardom." How does that even exist?!? [emphasis mine]
3. Speaking of Apples to Apples automatic win cards, Meghan imparted these wise words: "Helen Keller is the golden snitch of Apples to Apples." So true.
   
4. In other Apples to Apples happenings, we discovered that Cara=Blair Waldorf. Her adjectives are: mystical, timeless, wicked, glamorous, cold, luxurious, delicate, and sultry. I have yet to read Gossip Girls or watch it, but I am assured this is fact.
   
5. An event that is too glorious for words. You will have to wait until I post the pictures. Tingle with utmost anticipation because it is the single most ridiculous moment of my life.
   
6. Meghan shared a story that would ordinarily be heartbreaking and slightly adorable if not for the fact that it was had at 4 am. After Breaking Dawn was released, a woman went to the cemetery every day to read the book to her deceased teenage daughter because she was obsessed with Twilight but passed away before the release of the new book. We then had this inappropriate conversation:
   
   Sara:It's probably better that she died before that book came out.
   Me: [Meyer] could have stopped with Eclipse.
   Danielle: [The Twilight Saga] should never have existed.
   Me: How could you say such blasphemous words!? What would I write about on my blog?
   Lisa: What would Kristi(e)'s dog be named?
   
   The last bit from Lisa refers to the fact that I want to name my future female pug Renesmee. It is clearly the best name anyone could ever give their pet, if not their first born. In fact, if it wasn't for my dedication to my 2nd grade dream to name my daughter Claudia after the vice-prez of the BSC I might consider it (okay, false... I was just pulling your leg; however, the pug's appellation really is going to be Renesmee).
   
7. Twi-friggin'-light Madlibs. We completed two, but I will share the best one:
   
   "So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?" I was hoping he would, thought it seemed swimmingly. I couldn't picture him loading up to jizz with the rest of the pants from school; he didn't belong in the same world. But just hoping that he might gave me my first twinge of ejaculation I'd felt for the outing.
   
   "Where are you all going, exactly?" He was still looking ahead, bouncy, moist.
   
   "Down to your mom's house, to the grotto." I studied his face, trying to read it. His eyes seemed to narrow hauntingly.
   
   He glanced down at me from the corner of his eye, fornicating chagriningly. "I really don't think I was invited."
   
   I sighed. "I just invited you."
   
   "Let's you and I not push poor Bonus Jonas any further this week. We don't want him to snap." His eyes dance; he was enjoying the idea more than he should.

Speaking of Bonus Jonas, it's time for one of those now that we reach the end of the sleep over.

BONUS JONAS: We obviously had to look up the jizz in my pants digital short from SNL after the Mad Libs, and the first result I got back was Harry Potter jizz in my pants. Um.... AMAZING?! Oh wait, and I just found this johnson just now: Twilight jizz in my pants. Oh biology scene...

Oh. My. Goodness.

Associative genius!!!! (to quote one of the comments of the post)

I know this is a tad late, but since school is STILL not done for the semester (I know, right? It's practically February, Kristie...get on that already) my bloglines is fat and meaty with all kinds of goodies. I snuck a peak at what Fuse 8 had waiting for me and I found this Harry Potter/It's a Wonderful Life crossover that makes perfect sense.